This is the third installment of selections from “Until I Am Free: Voices of Youth Sentenced to Life Without Parole” edited by Kevin Coval.  All of the selections offered here are transcribed exactly as they appear in the publication.

Finding My Voice (Who Knew)

by Gary Clark

Getting up one morning no thoughts awaited me.

No thoughts that this might be the last time

I would see my people free.

In the back of a police car heading for the station

We know you didn’t do it, the other guy did

we feel you know something, you were there

just say that, we will let you go.

This became the cops’ favorite rhyme.

I told the truth swear to God. I’m keeping it real.

I was not there.  I was not with dude.

Sitting in the station going through this quiz

where were you at? what did you do?

Those hours seemed like eternity

hours that seemed as long as the life sentence they gave me.

I stood by the truth, the lie detector test, threats, harassment,

intimidation, good cop and bad cop.

Mom’s gone. I’m all alone. I don’t know what to do.

I’m scared, my heart is beating, about to explode

shortness of breath, hands shaking. Cops said

over and over we know you didn’t kill anyone

just say you were there, we will let you go.

I told them the truth. I just wanted to go home.

The officers are saying do this and you can go home.

That’s when I said those words.

The officers fed me the details

to make the lie sound like the truth.

I ask the officers can I go home now?

He said no you are going to jail.

I started this journey so long ago

a shorty of 14 when life really went wrong.

July 19, 1984. 12 people plus two took life from me

without ever knowing me.  They say there is no change in me.

Can they see there is much more to me.

I am somebody’s child, grandchild, a little brother,

a best friend, nephew and favorite cousin.

Can they see peoples’ lives affected when they sentence me?

They took away my family and all hope of what I could be.

Juvenile life without parole is a life of stolen hopes

and stolen dreams.  Who knew when I woke up

July 19, 1984, this would be me.

Gary Clark grew up in Decatur, Illinois and was 14 at the time of the offense for which he received life without parole.  He maintains his innocence and is now 41 years old.  In prison he has earned his GED and held various jobs.  He also reads and likes to study history and religion.

What’s next

by Brandon Craighead

The past is not beautiful.

Searching for what I never had

lacking from Mom and Dad.

It’s tough growing up when no one believes in you.

Knowing they are gonna dismiss your achievements

no matter what you do.

Trying to glimpse my future

What’s next for me. Honestly

I don’t know.

Brandon Craighead grew up in various group homes, mental health facilities and on the streets in East St. Louis, IL.  He was 16 years old when he committed the crime for which he is serving life without parole.  He is now 29 years old.  In prison, he has received his GED, tutored other inmates, and worked various jobs.

Trying Times

By Marshan T. Allen

There are times when waving the white flag and surrendering to my adversary seems like the easiest thing to do.  I’m no pessimist however, every person has a breaking point and sometimes I feel like I’ve gone beyond mine. But I just can’t give up.  I refuse to accept the life captivity that awaits me.  I am a lone soldier fighting for life and liberty.  Without a wingman or air support.   I’m trapped behind enemy lines.  Surrounde by unfriendly faces in a strange and hostile place, no ally in sight.  I’ve tried contacting base but all lines of communication severed.  No one answers my may day calls or comes to rescue.  I’m on my own.  Thus I have two choices: Extricate myself or die! I choose the former, dying here, like this, is not an option? However, I am afflicted with exhaustion. Combat takes its toll on the best of soldiers.  I’m not trained to survive under these conditions.  My adversary has unlimited resources at its disposal.  The odd are against me.  I know I must fight valiantly and relentlessly if I am to prevail.  My mission: total liberation.  I won’t settle for anything less.  No matter how trying these times become, I am determined to fight to the end…

Marshan Allen was sentenced to life without parole as a 15 year old getaway driver in connection with a double murder. His judge said that Marshan was capable of “rehabilitation” and that if he had any choice, he would not give Marshan the natural life sentence mandated by law.  Marshan is 34 years old today, and awaits a new sentencing hearing.  He has received his G.E.D., a paralegal degree and completed a small business management course. He is now taking correspondence courses with the University of Ohio and works in the prison library.

Stood/Miss: The Song’s Request

by Joseph Wingard

I don’t know much about the law.

So, Lord please

Don’t let me be Stood/Miss

You’re telling me my 16 year-old-son

is about to be charged with 1st degree murder. How

Long has he been in your custody? He didn’t

Request to have me there before talking to you?

That’s all it took for you to relieve him

Of his youth and his future

Oh lord, please don’t let me

Stood/Miss

I only get to spend 5 minutes with him?

I should be allowed to spend just as much

Time with him as you people did.  That’s not

Fair to you?  If I sign a confession will you

Allow me to spend more time with him then?

Who is becoming irate? Oh now

I have to go and you’re giving

Me directions to a courthouse!

You get some damn sleep!

I am a grown woman.  But

I will be seeing you bright and

Early tomorrow you

Lord, please don’t let me be

Stood/ Miss.

Joseph Winguard grew up on the South side of Chicago and attended Curie Hih School until he dropped out and succumbed to a lifestyle that led to the robbery and homicide for which he is serving life without parole.  Joseph was 17 at the time and is 36 years old today.  In prison he works, reads ferociously and watched movies. He is also writing a screenplay that he thinks is going to be good.