This is not a poem.
The words simply wanted to be written this way…

For K…
[To be read on your 16th birthday
or maybe never]

The cops
won’t care
that you are
the sweetest
boy.

Any time,
any where,
any way.

I am
a liar.

As I type
these words,
I’m looking
at a photograph
of your
precious
BLACK
face
and so
I’m going
to lie.

I’ve been
trying
to write
a letter.
It’s been
too long
in coming.
It’s futile
so
I’ve given up.

You asked me
about
the police
while we were
eating
hamburgers.

You said
you were
scared
they might
not know
you were
a nice
person
and that
in their
ignorance,
they might
hurt
or
kill you.

I had
a difficult
time
choking down
the rest
of the food
on my plate.

You looked
at me
for
a few seconds:
expectantly.

You could
tell
I was
upset.
You started
to tell
a silly
story.

That is
quintessentially
you.
Goofy,
funny,
beautifully BLACK.

You smiled.
I couldn’t.

I excused
myself,
walked to
the bathroom,
closed the door,
sank to the floor,
put my head
on my knees,
and cried.

After
a few minutes,
I heard
a knock
at the door
and your voice:
“Tantie, are you OK?
Do you feel SICK?”

I called out,
“I’m fine.
Be out
in a minute.”
Then
I cried
harder.

I washed
my face,
took a
deep breath,
opened
the door.
You were
playing
video
games.
I sat
on the couch
behind you
and watched.

We didn’t
talk
again
about
cops
and death.

On the plane,
flying back
to Chicago,
I tried
to put
pen to paper.
Nothing.
I’ve tried
to write you
several times
in the past
six weeks.
Nothing.

I have
to lie
to you
and
so
nothing.

If the police approach you,
don’t make any sudden moves.
Don’t run.
Always be polite.
“Yes officer, No officer.”
Know your rights.
Give them your name and your address.
If you are in a car,
keep your hands on the steering wheel.
Don’t.Make.Any.Sudden.Moves.
Never.Run.
Always.Be.Polite.

These tips
will
protect you.
These suggestions
will
preserve
Life.
Will
forestall
Death.

I have
to lie
to you.
I’m sorry.

They do
research.
There’s
a thing
called
“weapons bias.”
Blackness makes
people
prone to seeing
guns
where there are
none.
Blackness
conjures…
WEAPONS.

Did I tell you
about the tips
that will
keep you
SAFE
from the cops?
Do you remember them?
Pay attention.

If the police approach you,
don’t make any sudden moves.
Don’t run.
Always be polite.
“Yes officer, No officer.”
Know your rights.
Give them your name and your address.
If you are in a car,
keep your hands on the steering wheel.
Don’t.Make.Any.Sudden.Moves.
Never.Run.
Always.Be.Polite.

I have
to lie
to you.
I’m sorry.

Here’s my secret.
My fear.
What if the truth
turns you
into
one of the
walking dead?
A zombie.

You are
so loved.
You are
so treasured.
By us.
Your family.
But to the rest
of the world,
you are
UNPERSON,
inanimate
object,
time bomb,
to be
diffused.

How can this
make sense
to you
at 11?
Because
you are
a nice person.

I want
your spirit
joyful.
I want
your goodness
and
your heart
protected.
I want your
hopes
for the future
uncrushed.
I want your body
shielded.
I want your
humanity
affirmed.
I want…
everything
for you.

So
I’ll lie.
I can’t find
my pen
or any paper
and
I’ve swallowed
my tongue.